The Heart of Life
by 1HalfEngineer
Summary: How will you cope with the thought of losing the one you loved? Lizzie and Red are experiencing a very rocky relationship, do you think they can pull through after this fiasco? Raymond Reddington has been kidnapped, and is up to Liz to rescue him. Can Lizzie help Red find his way HOME? ( I suck at summaries...) DISCLAIMED: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. JUST THE IDEA.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: "Tear Me Up"

Raymond Reddington had been missing for days, The FBI had no leads, and they had yet to tell Elizabeth Keen. None of them expected it to be this way, they fought all the time, bicker and banter; they thought they just needed time away. They never thought it was going to end, the team never thought _they_ were going to end. After having concluded that Red was nowhere near to be found, a small box came that had his Darpa Chip inside along with a beaten, and battered Dembe, the FBI finally concluded that he wasn't away on vacation, but instead something, and somewhere else. Finally after the long weekend, and on the fifth day, no one wanted to tell Liz what was going on, but after she exited the elevator, they know they can no longer hide the storm that was slowly brewing away.

Looking rested, the sadness in her icy blue eyes were still heavily present, the whole team was gathered inside the War Room, they looked to A.D Cooper for assistance, to deliver the news that might just cause the final piece to the shattered life of Elizabeth Keen.

"Sir, is there any case for us today?" she asked just a little tad curious and baffled by the fleeting silence from within. "I'M FINE." She stated rather firmly "I'm fine, really you don't need to worry… Reddington-" her monologue died quickly when she finally saw the raging elephant in the room. Samar had that look in their eyes that's telling her something is really off, and Aram is giving her the pitying vibe, and almost had tears in his eyes. Ressler kept eye contact, telling her that it will be alright. Looking from one to another, it clicked on them just who hasn't joined the "party". Her voice was small, but is trying her best to stay in composure, and it's the most detached they had ever heard. "Where is he? What happened? What have YOU done?" Cooper walked forward, taking the lead on the explanation, which they thought was the best since he was like a father figure to her. "Reddington has been off the grid since the last time he was here, two weeks ago." Aram stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, a sign of comfort.

Liz tried to keep her tears at bay, and her emotions on the grid, she bit her lower lip for composure before speaking; "I haven't heard from him since…that night; he hasn't called, haven't messaged…NOTHING, not even Dembe…" Aram squeezed her shoulder before she continued "I told him, we needed space… I needed space…but I didn't tell him…nothing more…what happened?"

Aram finally spoke up "You were his last phone call. No other activity was logged after that" she was confused where was he? "And then there was this…" Ressler handed her the box that contained the chip, and from the shadows… "Agent Keen!" she spin around at the sound of her name; eyes wide "DEMBE!" she leapt off the stool from where she sat and threw her arms around him. "Are you okay, are you hurt?" his eyes were panic filled and his voice was full of concern; "I'm fine…are you…what are you doing here…where is he?" she stuttered for questions at the sight of the man before her.

"Why didn't you call me, how long has he been gone?" she asked everyone around her; "Dembe, can you please tell me what happened…or at least… why are you here, and where is he?" Dembe told her the tale of how he got to the Post Office without Reddington, he told her about how they were mugged and beaten, and that the last thing he remembered was Red's scream of agony before he finally lost consciousness. When he woke up, he found himself on a warehouse in Johannesburg, and the box that contained Red's Darpa chip, that was four days ago.

Fear, pain, and panic raged within her heart. She couldn't concentrate on thinking, her brain was fusing out, and she was hyperventilating. They fought, and she always left, and sometimes he did, but not before promising that he was coming back. After their last fight, she received nothing from him, not even a call, a message, nothing, there wasn't a trace of Raymond Reddington. Her mind had gone crazy thinking about what could have had happened to him, he could be dead by now; she shook the thought away, Red was a force to be reckoned with, he wouldn't leave her, not even after what had happened between the two of them, he wouldn't leave would he?

Meanwhile on the other side of town…

Red was kept prisoner in a room that barely had accommodations, that was composed of a steel bed, a toilet and a small window that was enough to bring in light but high enough that he couldn't have access. He tried to remember how he got there; tunnel after tunnel, in a maze of lefts and rights, it was a labyrinth tunnels and turns. His watched showed that he had been in this cell for the last five days. Encompassed from the silence, he heard footsteps from outside, he scrambled to his feet, getting as near as he could but not without the chain on his ankles preventing him from going any further. He did his best to press his ear to the door to listen to what was going on behind the cell door.

"Get her on the table, don't let her die! if she does, we simply cannot use her against him." _Lizzie._ Red felt hopeless to listen as they moved her to the door next to where he was. All the color drained from his face, and tears threatened to pour out from his eyes. His heart was racing of the thought of what condition she must be in. he held his breath even more when he thought about his friend, his brother, could very well be dead by now. While the love of his life, the reason for his existence, and his ray of light was dying next to him.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: "Claw at Your Heart"

As grief nearly consumed him, rage was building up inside him, waiting to be unleased. He tried his best not to pace around like a caged animal inside his cell; his heart was at his throat, fear was blinding his thoughts, and he wants nothing else but to kill every single person that will come his way.

Hours had passed, but nothing; Red's eyes snapped open. He had dozed off, the screams started to echo from within the walls, and it was blood-curdling. They were ear-piecing and unrecognizable, she was in pain. "SCREAM! SCREAM FOR REDDINGTON! TELL HIM TO COME AND SAVE YOU!" He had heard the man screaming at her, his thoughts was running wild, and his heart was pounding in his chest. "SCREAM FOR HIM! ASK HIM TO TALK! END YOUR MISERY!" He wasn't prepared for this, he thought that they would start with him, he wasn't prepared for her torture, he wasn't prepared for them to hurt her. He was wrong…so very wrong.

His breathing was catching up to him, short and labored. He was glistening from cold sweat and his ears were ringing from the sounds of her screams. He was raging, panicking from inside. Her screams were choking him, slowly clawing at his heart, which makes it hard for him to not scream in return. "RED!" Her screams were antagonizing him, it was like knives to his heart, it was gut wrenching and he couldn't take it anymore; "Lizzie! STOP! LIZZIE!" His screams was met by deafening silence, they wouldn't come to him, all he can hear were footsteps that were getting closer, closer… He backed away from where he was standing, and the door flew open. He was ready, confrontation and torture. "Let her go." He demanded in a dark voice. The men snickered at him, and stepped closer; "Tell me where the Fulcrum is and I'll let your pretty girlfriend go…" "Let her go, and I'll give you what you want. While she is there, you'll get nothing out of me." The man chuckled deeply that made his blood boil to no end; "I thought you'd bargain, that's why I brought you a present…" The man threw a small box at him, then he stepped back and closed the door. He moved to the door but his chains hindered him, he let out a low growl telling himself to calm down; him being dead, would not help her. He snickered and tried to regain composure, he turned towards the bed and sat down, slowly he opened the box that was given to him; he dropped the box as his face paled its color. It was a finger, a ring finger. They have cut of her finger. He ran hurriedly to the toilet and vomited; he couldn't take it. Only rocking sobs were heard from inside of his cell and nothing more.

In another part of town…

Its late at night, but the team was still working hard; none of them dared to fall asleep in case there was news about Red. Lizzie took out her phone to look at the time, and she was greeted by a happy couple posing as her lock-screen; Her and Red. Red had looked so happy in the picture. They were just 2 months along in their relationship… a romantic relationship that is. She never thought he would have said yes, but he did. She just bought a new phone and wanted a picture that would pose as her lock-screen. They had some picture, but very minimal; they still can't risk a relationship out in Public, Red fears that if they get caught outside of the Team's knowledge, they'd be both put to jail and probably sentenced to death, he can't have that, not for her; he had ruined enough and that he felt he owed her that much to keep her safe, and happy. He was reluctant at first, but then still agreed, after all he could never say "no" to her. He had her arms around her, while his head was tucked on the crook of her neck, smiling brightly. It made her smile every time she sees that little boy inside him; that picture made her smile, but now, just like the last two weeks, the picture made her cry, and even more now her heart clenched as the thought that he was missing.

Liz's mind drifted off to the night before they finally ended their relationship; "Was all of this really necessary?" she asked after turning to him. He tilted his head, as if asking her "what have I done now?" She glared at him, and placed her hands on her hips; "tell you what, why don't I get you followed 24/7 and see how YOU like it…" she spat venom in her voice. Red glared back at her; "you know very well this has nothing to do with being followed, this is all about being found out. Why are you hiding something?" he asked suddenly. "They're not going to talk, no one else knows about US Red!" her voice was confident but her eyes were betraying her. "I know that, but you don't know who could be trying to frame you… or if somebody else knows about this at all, and we just haven't heard of…" he chuckled a little hollowly "I mean, you can't know whose holding people onto a cement box no contact order, Lizzie, you can't always plug a hole… its still going to break and collapse…rumors will fly." "You're the one to talk! You're always hiding something from me! and now you get upset because, when a friend asked me if I'm dating and I tell her _YES_ without letting you know?!" She huffed in annoyance.

He tried to keep his anger at bay, and stepped a bit closer to her; "I do not tell you everything Lizzie to keep you safe, not to hide things from you. Lizzie, this is contrary to your actions. Tell me, do you even care if I get thrown into some blacksite? Does it even matter to you?" She felt anger rising inside her from his accusations, "Right because my well-being is not your top priority…that's why you withheld things…" Red clenched his jaw trying to calculate his words, she had never seen him this angry ever before. "YOUR well-being is always my TOP priority Elizabeth, you should have known that by know don't you?" despite his anger, his voice wasn't high at all, but she knew that this was worse "but it seems that my well-being isn't your top priority isn't it, Agent Keen?"

She threw her hand up and glared at him "WHY are you acting like THIS? NOTHING happened!" "Don't you get it? Even if they hear even just a little of what this is about, they'll close in, and I wont be able to do this. I have to leave, I will not be placed in that box again. I have to leave, and I will not come back." He said flatly. "Are you threatening to leave me?" He shook his head, "if that's what you're thinking we're clearly not on the same page here…" his voice sent shivers down her spine; it was cold, unlike his usual tone…it was detached, almost murderous. But she didn't falter, she was too angry with him. "I do not have enough time to do this with you REDDINGTON! I have no time for you, and your stupid games! If you'd like to leave then GO! DO NOT LET ME STOP YOU!" she yelled at him. "FINE!" he yelled back. It was the first time he actually yelled at her; "AND STOP HAVING YOUR PEOPLE FOLLOW ME GOD DAMN YOU!" he nodded once "FINE! I TAKE IT WHEN MY SERVICES ARE NOT NEEDED. Have it your way! It seems that you're in a suicidal streak anyway!" "YOU CAN GO AND LEAVE NOW! FUCK YOU REDDINGTON!" and with that he left the house with a slam of the door.

She didn't hear from him, the rest of that week; but she kept receiving flowers, gifts, and chocolates…he was apologizing. But not a call or a message was left behind. One afternoon, when she got home from work after having Aram dropped her off at her place, her landlady Lois, approached her "Elizabeth dear, this was left for you here this afternoon…" Lois handed her a bunch of long stemmed roses and a box of chocolate along with a bear that looked exactly like the one she had at his place when they went to Coney Island, the one that says "I wuv you BEARy much…" she smiled and took the things from her, "was there anyone who left this…" "the mailman, but it came with a phone call, the man had such a lovely voice and spoke it sonnets or something… it was rather beautiful but I cant remember them, I'm so sorry my dear…" she smiled at her "It's alright Lois, thanks anyway, have a goodnight…"

Just as she got inside her apartment her phone rang it was Red. "Lizzie…how are you?" she sighed as she listened to his voice, "Red...I can't… is this work related?" "Not exactly…did you get my gifts?" "Yes, I did…" "Do you like them? The flowers, they're called Camellia's, you know for the Chinese-" "Yes, thank you Red… but I don't…" she sighed but continued before he could "Don't call me now unless its about work…" "Lizzie, look I'm sorry I didn't mean to…I never meant what I said… Lizzie…" he was struggling with words and this she knew, Raymond Reddington does not stutter. "…Look sweetheart, I know you're angry…but I was just trying to keep you safe. I get that, I didn't mean to shout at you, but can we just forget about this please… you know I can't go on like this with you." He knew he was begging and he couldn't care less; he loved her. "Lizzie please, I love you. I love you more than anything and I need you to give me a chance to explain…" he tried "I don't want to know. I don't want to do this…" Lizzie replied. "Lizzie, please…" he begged "please, sweetheart…I really do love you." "Red, we are over…I don't know how to make myself anymore clear." Lizzie started but her heart was clenching inside her chest. "You are indeed making yourself clear…but I think we aren't over… I think we're in fact far from it." He reasoned; "I don't love you." There she had said it, he didn't feel it at all as being a weight off her chest, instead it was getting heavier. There was silence over the phone, but then he spoke in a quiet voice "I think I don't believe that one…" " I do not love you." She repeated firmly "and I think I never did…" he was silent again, and she knew this time, he was listening. "So…so y-you're telling me…that all t-this time…that all of it was…" he was stuttering and couldn't finish his sentence "it was NOTHING." She repeated. "I see…" he said in a very quiet voice; "I was…wrong. I thought I did, but then things happened; Red I had time to think, and these last few days…you were just someone there…" she sighed, she couldn't find the right words "I guess, I was just lonely, and I don't know… you were always there for me… when everything failed, I guess I… liked that." He was silent over the line " I…I don't know what to say…" " I don't know what else to tell you…" she stared at the gifts at the table she knew she either had to throw, keep, or return them. "listen, I have to go…" "Lizzie, wait before you go…just answer me one thing…" his voice sounded so small and quiet, it was really breaking her heart; "When…when did you… when did you stop loving me?" "I never loved you Red." Her answer was so quick but he felt the sting in his heart. "that was a fast reply." "because it's true" she said back. She wondered what took so long for him to reply, was he chewing his cheek, was he biting his lip, then he sighed… "very well then…" it was her turn to sigh "I have to go…" "I guess… now I know what it feels to love, but not being loved back.." he spoke so brokenly, so distant; "Don't say that…I'm not…I'm not like Tom" she shot back quietly at him. "I will never say that…" he said just above a whisper. "I just thought you'd know its not really nice to pretend you love someone. Since you know, now we've both been here…done…that." She tried to swallow a lump past her throat "I'm sorry…" she said finally "Don't be…" Red replied before he hung up.

She felt a tear pass down her cheek as she looked at the picture. But she was taken out of her reverie when she heard a knock on her door; "Hey…" it was Ressler, "Hey, Ress…what's up…" she tried her best to regain her composure "we have news…"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3: "Shatter Me"

"We have something!" Aram declared; Liz's heart began to pound harder and faster inside her chest. "What do we have?" she asked him; "I think I found something, I couldn't get a good look at his face, but it is clearly seen that he is being carried away…" Liz took a closer look, she saw it was somewhere public; "are they at a hospital?" she asked him; "we couldn't confirm it yet… there we can just see…" Aram started pointing to the footage "…that Mr. Reddington is being placed inside the car, and Dembe in the boot." Aram began typing faster and a few more pictures and footage showed up "there, we can see where he stopped for gas near D.C, before the van was finally disposed at a wearhouse in Johannesburg, where Dembe confirmed he was left behind. I hacked into the system but it was a dead-end. It was all what I can find." Aram finished. Liz was grateful for Aram's help; before she could say anything her phone rang…

====Line Break====

He doesn't tell her enough, he thinks; intimacy is hard for him. It's hard to open up as much as she had tried for him. She is indeed his _everything_ and he isn't gonna lie about that. He tried to think of a way on how to save her, and how to get out of this mess, without a thought of a consequence for himself. He will kill every single person in this facility, FBI be damned.

The torture went on and on, and all he could hear was her desperate screams for him; "Take me!...STOP THIS!...She KNOWS NOTHING!... I HAVE THE ANSWERS! TAKE ME! LIZZIE!" he was pounding at his door the best he could while his chains were preventing him to get closer. Hours later, the door flew open and the armed men brought him, a pair of ears, a hand, a foot, 9 fingers, and an eye. He was mindless in his grief, and rage; and all he could hear was her desperate screams for him. Sitting in a far corner of the room blocking his ears, he rocked back and forth; he knew she is dead..gone. _Gone_ was his light; the love of his life was murdered, killed mercilessly without even fault.

Tears ran down his face and blood was everywhere, on his clothes, on his hands. He knelt onto the ground pleading for her life, pleading for whatever God there is up there to save her, and take him instead. He can no longer hear screams from the other side, his voice was raw and hoarse from all the screaming he had done, but his screams couldn't do anything to save her. They had killed her, murdered her like an animal; he told them everything he knew; and he only knew so little, but they wouldn't believe him. A voice was yelling now, screaming at his team at how stupid they were for nipping an artery and killing her; when they sawed of her foot and arm, she had bled to death. They needed her to get information. Red had failed. She was dead, and along with her death, came everything else that mattered in his life, they had taken everything from him. And once again, the hideous fish had lost its light; his second chance was gone. Life was taken away from him.

A few more minutes later, an explosion rocked the whole building, gunshots raging, screams, and bigger explosions were heard from outside his cell door. Still Raymond Reddington did nothing about it, instead, he stayed still and stared sightlessly at the walls rocking back and forth creating a small chanting "she's gone…she's gone…" he kept on rocking, covering his ears and just kept on rocking, always rocking.

Minutes later with Liz and Ressler leading the charge along with Dembe and Samar, the entire team from inside the building were all dead, they scrubbed every cell until they came to his; with gun at ready, Dembe and Ressler kicked the door open and Samar and Liz followed inside. They were prepared for anything, Ressler even brought along with him a med kit just in case. They were all worried, Carlos Gaona's team was holding Red for a week now. He had been through worse over the years, much much worse, or so they thought.

Liz hoped he was still in better shape than the women that were in the other room from where he was. The corpse that she had seen would be giving her nightmares, but none of it was scaring her at the moment as the thought of what they could have done with Red, she'll worry about it after they have found him, cared for him. _He's okay, he's okay… he's gotta be okay!_ Liz repeated it to herself like a mantra. They were unprepared for the sight that they have seen; The Concierge of Crime, and FBI's No.4 Most Wanted Criminal was sitting on the floor sobbing and rocking back and forth. Liz dropped to her knees and knelt before him, cupping his face in her hands. "Red, Red… you're okay…we're here… you were gone for days…but we managed…" she couldn't stop herself from touching him, mindless of the dirt and grime, she ran her hand across his arms and back, his face and his neck as well. She couldn't find any injuries at all but they still weren't sure; she turned to the men behind her; "Dembe, please…"

"Raymond…" he knelt before him and touched his cheek, but still nothing; "Raymond, please…what's wrong brother?" he had to ask again, but still nothing. He stared off into space and kept on crying and rocking. "Liz we need to go, reinforcement's here!" Ressler called out; Samar grabbed the med-kit and handed Liz her gun; "we must go… they're coming…" she said; Dembe stood up and hoisted Red to stand with him, Red went crazy and started fighting; "No! Lizzie! Please! Let me see her! I have to stay with her! LIZZIE!" he shouted "Liz! Get the morphine from the bag! Hurry!" Samar fumbled inside the bag and got hold of the syringe of morphine, she handed it to Liz and together with the unshed tears, she stabbed it into Red's backside. Within moments, he quieted down and Dembe hoisted him up in a fireman's carry and they all left the building.

They have agreed that Red would be stopping the hunt for a while, but Dembe suggested that they can still do the list, he'll just be giving them the small names in which Red doesn't need to play a part in. Cooper have agreed that Liz can stay with Reddington in his recovery at a safe house in Annapolis; Samar, Donald, and Aram were more than willing enough to help in whatever they need. Ressler may not like Reddington, but he knows that he had been good for Liz and maybe they can work this out; he has to say, the man may have wormed into their hearts; it may not be a friendship but rather as colleagues.

They flew together on Red's private Jet, Ressler said, they'll be in touch after a couple of days when the paper works were all filed, and then they will visit them. Liz had agreed and hugged them all, thankful enough that they understood her and the situation. Liz thanked Cooper the most for his understanding, he wished them well, and bouts of good luck; she smiled and waved a final goodbye before chartering the jet with Dembe and Mr. Kaplan.

Inside the jet, Mr. Kaplan assessed Red's condition. He was not hurt in any physical way, or so to say the least but he was dehydrated. When Mr. Kaplan walked out the bedroom where he was staying, Liz stood up and walked to her; Mr. Kaplan placed a hand on her arm and told her to sit down; "how is he?" he asked her, worried filled her voice. Mr. Kaplan sighed and took the seat next to her; " I am not worried about his physical condition dearie, however, I am worried about his mental condition…" she started and Liz's heart began pounding in her chest. "I sedated him, because frankly I do not want to do anything to him after everything he's been through, I'm not going to lie to you Elizabeth, I think they have worked into his mind…" she could only nod at what she said; "has he spoken yet?" Mr. Kaplan sighed and went on; "No, he just stared and hummed a hauntingly beautiful tune while hugging the bear you had left with him… he kept on until the drugs took over." Lizzie's eyes grew wide, in her absence Red has kept a hold of the bear he had won for her on their trip to Coney Island, she happened to have left that one on his place, and never got the chance to get it even before the whole fiasco. "REDdy bear…" Liz said and Kate nodded; "Raymond, could no longer sleep without that bear by his side…since you…" "..left." they both chorused and Kate nodded knowingly. "Elizabeth dear…" Kate continued " you have to understand that Raymond is broken…they have broken him; He may never recover, and you have to be prepared for that…" she said. She stood up, she was done listening, no matter how haunting the whole thing was, he has to pull through, she wouldn't even contemplate of that future without him.

Once she entered the room, seeing him on the bed, hugging the bear, she knew she was out of time. He had been holding on for far too long. She shut the door locking it behind her, and dimming the lights into a firelight glow. She laid down beside him, careful not to touch or disturb him. she faced him, and drank in the sight of him. it was there inside the dark confines of the jet's bedroom where she had poured every ounce of bottled emotions that she had been keeping at bay for the last two weeks.

Her silent tears poured down on the pillow from where she lain her head, and there she had made promises to him, that everything was going to be alright. That she would spend every moment with him, and will help him get better, and will be with him all the way through. She would lie, and steal and kill if that wasn't enough to protect him for the rest of their lives. She would protect and cherish him for the rest of their days. It was there where she told him, that she in fact and indeed loved him, and what she had said before was a lie; that she loved him with all her heart, and being.

She must have been as quiet as she thought because he had stirred in his sleep. She lain frozen, afraid that she might have disturbed him, she tried to calm her heart and her breathing. He whimpered softly and hugged the bear tighter to his chest, but quieted when she whispered her name. it was there in the dark, that a man who just experienced crushing hopelessness and torture may have brighten up her shattered heart and had been given a gift; by hearing him breathe out her name in return. "Lizzie…"


End file.
